Monday, April 15, 2013

The Weekend

The weekend, my salvation, is over.  Why do they go so quickly?  Saturdays are usually glorious.  I don't run many errands anymore, because it's too hard.  I so enjoy being at home with my family, my pets, and my things.  Sometimes I walk with a friend. 

Sundays are not good.  By noon on Sunday, the panic about the upcoming work week starts to set in. My family has told me that they can see the gloom start to settle over me.

I'm afraid I'll never find a workplace where I can find peace.

Friday, April 12, 2013

April 12, 2013

My anxiety is worse than usual today.  I'm saying that more and more often.  I have several tasks to complete, but I can't make myself do them.  The very idea is so overwhelming.  I'm sure to most people I would seem lazy; but the anxiety is so all-encompassing at times.  Sometimes all I can do is sit on my couch.  I'm very worried about becoming agoraphobic.  If I could, I'd stay home and never leave.

One breathing technique my therapist taught me is to breathe in through my nose and breathe out through my mouth, while telling myself "relax."  Sometimes it works, but not today.  I usually start to freak out on my drive into work.  She has told me to do the breathing exercise while I'm driving, but I don't think I'm coordinated enough for that lol.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

My Anxiety

I have decided to start writing about my anxiety disorders and how they affect my life.  I don't know yet what this will look like.  I might just start out with random thoughts.

I had to leave work early yet again today because the overwhelming panic was pressing down on me.  It almost propelled me out of the office without much conscious effort on my part, it seemed.  I did have enough presence of mind to send my supervisor a text.  She was in a meeting and I didn't want to disturb her.

Normally I would worry that this latest episode would put my job in jeopardy.  Not to worry...I've been told my job is being eliminated and my last day is June 30th.  This only adds to the extreme anxiety I have on a regular basis.

I am on three types of medication, and I see a therapist as well.  I have struggled for years with this (from early childhood, really), and a plethora of drugs have been marginally successful at best.

I really don't know what I'm going to do about the loss of my job.  I've been applying to everything I can find, but the economy is still really bad here.